just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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