I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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