btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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