if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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