Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
