Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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