I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
