I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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