Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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