You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
