is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
