I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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