So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
