If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
