Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
