That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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