Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
