i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
