so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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