Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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