Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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