remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
