You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
