the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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