cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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