mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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