I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
