she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
