I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
