just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I smell like Dick and happiness
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
