I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
