my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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