I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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