I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
