For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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