yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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