He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
