Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
