You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
