Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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