I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i think i have herpe
just one?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
