I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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