never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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