i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
