White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
