:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
