it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
