he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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