dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
