well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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